April 10th, 2009

Occasionally, I suffer from delusions of grandeur. I had an attack this week.

On Monday, I went to ‘Sports World’ in Watford for some running shoes. It was difficult to decide which type was best suited to my feet. Two issues compounded my confusion. (a) I don’t know my own shoe size. (b) The store didn’t have a device to measure it with. Eventually, I settled on a pair of blue Nikes with shock absorbers in the heels.

On Tuesday morning, I put my new trainers on and started my usual 2 mile run through the neighbourhood. After the first mile, my feet were in so much pain that I had to stop and call a taxi to take me back home.

An hour later, I was back at ‘Sports World’ with the trainers and my receipt.

They wouldn’t give me a refund. They wouldn’t even let me put the value of the trainers towards a more expensive pair. They said, ‘You have worn them so we can’t resell them.’

I was furious.

It was at this point that the delusions of grandeur began to kick in.

The manager said, ‘It’s the policy of ‘Sports World’ not to give refunds.’
I said, ‘It’s the policy of ‘Joel’s World’ not to leave until I get a refund.’

‘When you buy something from us,’ he continued, ‘You’ll adhere to our policy.’
‘No,’ I said, ‘When you sell something to me, you’ll adhere to my policy.’

After 20 minutes of this jolly banter, they threatened to call the police and I left … without a refund.

If anyone would like to buy a pair of nearly new, size 8 Nikes, they’ll be on ebay tomorrow. No refunds.